As children, we often take things for granted and peace is one of them, because disagreements at that stage are usually minor and quickly forgotten. As we grow older, conflicts can become more serious and long-lasting and we leave things hanging with the expectation that they will resolve themselves like when we were young. I know of situations where family members have held grudges for years over something said or done. To maintain peace, conscious efforts are needed by the parties involved to ensure matters are resolved so that relationships can be kept safe.

Reflecting on my own household, I've seen disagreements between my wife and me, between our children, and with in-laws. Restoring peace and preserving these relationships requires effort. Disagreements can be healthy when they are used as a way to communicate unmet expectations. We all have preconceived notions in relationships, parents expect from the children, children from parents, and the same with friendships, and family. When these expectations are not met it can lead to disappointments and sometimes resentments which can cause unnecessary damage to relationships. 

Maintaining relationships and keeping the peace doesn’t just happen. It requires effort and an understanding of the "rules of engagement." Ignoring these rules can turn small issues into unpleasant conflicts. While we often view disagreements as something to avoid, this avoidance can be more damaging than the conflict itself. Disagreements are opportunities that should be viewed as an occasion for honest and tough conversation where we will hear uncomfortable truths about ourselves.

Healthy arguments, guided by rules of engagement, are necessary for working on relationships and ensuring peace. The goal is not to be hurtful to one another, but to facilitate respectful and constructive communication. Eric Berne’s PAC model (Parent-Adult-Child) can be useful here. According to Berne, people communicate in ways that can be parental (dominant), childlike (submissive or rebellious), or adult-like (mature and respectful). It is in the way we present ourselves during conversations or arguments.

To foster peace, we must take steps that lead to constructive conflict resolution:

1. Handle Conflicts Maturely: Respond to conflicts with adult behavior, ensuring respectful and constructive communication.
2. Build Give-and-Take Relationships: Strive for mutual understanding and compromise.
3. Face Conflict Head-On: Don’t avoid tough conversations. Engaging in them, even if they lead to conflict, can ultimately strengthen and save relationships.

In essence, peace requires ongoing effort, mature communication, and a willingness to address conflicts constructively. This approach not only resolves issues, but also fosters deeper and more resilient relationships. With these tough conversations, people can say their piece, which can bring psychological relief with this opportunity to express strong emotions. With this all in mind, one can see that, at the cost of some turbulence, we can have and keep the peace.